Whatever Works.

John Mayer’s new album?

It’s like he stalked my life the last few months and found a way to turn my processes into beautiful music.

I had a long talk tonight with someone I didn’t expect to speak to ever again. It’s really ironic because I had recently made peace with the ordeal and let go.

Lately I’ve felt off. I tried to blame it on my schedule and being in stuck in this cycle that doesn’t really give me the chance to do much else. I figured I was just mindlessly going through the motions and losing feeling for anything at all. 

Sure, my schedule definitely is interfering with my mental state. But really, I was lacking substance. My thoughts were fading into stupid surface things. I can’t explain it, and I can’t just talk like that with anybody.

I needed that.

Yesterday was exhausting. First day of summer classes, plus a big shipment at work, plus homework when I got home.

Class wasn’t so bad, as interesting as nearly 2 hours of one lady talk about economics can be. Work was tiresome for many reasons.

1. I feel like my coworker is trying to take charge when I’m the one that got the promotion. She leaves me notes telling me what I need to do. She also just seems bitter. 2. The shipment that came in was over

2 pages long. In the 4.5 hours I was there, I spent most of it trying to figure out what was missing and why numbers weren’t matching up. By closing time I almost had everything tagged and out on the floor.

Then I got home, tried to relax for a bit.

But between my growling stomach, the looming feeling of homework due, plus knowing that there were dirty dishes in my sink, I realized very quickly that coming home was not the end of my day.

Luckily I had the day off tomorrow, so after class I can come home and relax a little bit. Granted, I’ll still have homework. And I’m planning on shampooing the carpets. But at least I can do those things before 6 PM.

Also, I checked my banking today and a check I wrote in December finally cleared my account yesterday. Jerks.

Found out yesterday that I got an internship with University Housing this summer. Matt’s their graphic designer, so I’ll be working under him. Hopefully that means it’ll be fairly easy.

I also found out that I got a promotion/raise at work. So I’ll be working at least 25 hours a week. I just have to be careful about flaunting my new job title because I got manager over my boss’s niece.

In a way I’m slightly overwhelmed and worried that I can’t juggle it all, in a way I feel like I’m finally catching a break after such a shitty year.

So today started off on an awful foot. My phone turned off in the middle of the night, therefore my alarm didn’t go off. I seem to naturally wake up around 7:30 - 8:00 these days, so I was able to catch it before I was late. But because I woke up close to 8, I didn’t have time to shower like I had originally planned. For some reason, even though I only had 30 minutes to get ready, I still felt the need to take my time. So I left my house 15 minutes later than usual because I was determined to have coffee. I also decided to wear my stupid pair of flip flops, which are stupid because they’re too loose so I’m basically squeezing my toes together to keep them on. Occupied with keeping my shoes on, I failed to see the step to the building and embarrassed myself with one of those partial trips (the kind you save yourself but still look really stupid). So I’m running late, I trip and get coffee everywhere, and I’m feeling off because of my blood sugar (the coffee probably didn’t help). So I decided to skip my second class to come home, shower, get my shit together, and work on some homework.

I think today’s just one of those days that I’m off. Half of my brain is looking at the other retarded part and wondering what’s the problem. So in my awkwardness, I’m going to sit here (in my towel), do my design work, and attempt to have a less clumsy Tuesday.

It’s not that I miss you. It’s not even that I want to go back to the time that I knew you.

I think what it really is, is the fact that my brain can’t comprehend the fact that I used to know you. Or that I lied to myself for so long, trying to convince myself that I was happy.

Regardless of where life takes me, I can’t help but be curious about the ifs or my past. Because I’m curious, I can’t figure out why I sense so much tension and hatred from your end.